Involved Father

“Involved father” refers to a father who evenly contributes his time to both career and family. It sounds fantastic but not quite realistic. Our social norms assign different responsibilities to men and women. In people’s opinions, a man, or a husband should work outside to support his family, while a woman should stay home and be responsible for the child rearing. In this case, it is very common to entitle a woman as “housewife” but it may be weird to entitle a man as “househusband.”

In Gerson Kathleen’s article, “Dilemmas of Involved Fatherhood,” she points out that “economic, social and ideological arrangements thus made involved fatherhood difficult” ( 288). I think this argument is pretty new and interesting. Many married women complain that their husbands show little concern about their families. They (their husband) have thousands excuses to escape from their responsibilities of preparing dinners, or changing diapers with their babies. Thus, women blame all of this unfairness for inequality between men and women. There is no doubt that Gerson provides a new vision to see this inequality. In her article, Gerson interviews many fathers in different occupations. These fathers all agree that they would like to be “involved father” if they don’t need to worry about their jobs or salaries. They want to spend time on staying with their children, while they can keep their jobs at the same time. However, their jobs cannot accommodate them that way most of the time. Men are taught to be a supporter or a protector through socialization. They have their responsibilities of providing security to their families, no matter physically or economically. In this case, they have to sacrifice their family time because their top priority as a man, is to support their family economically.

Another factor that makes involved fatherhood difficult is discrimination. Similar to women who experience discrimination in male-dominated occupations; men are also discriminated in female-dominated world like families. Social norms consider “househusband” as stigma. When we see a househusband, we may think of a male nurse in a hospital. We may think, what is the problem with him? What makes him step into the women’s world? A woman may appreciate her husband’s nurturing, but she may not totally accept it. In this case, a man may not have equal chance to show his parental abilities. My aunt, for example, is not satisfied with her husband, who spent more time with his children than his job. Even though my aunt is a business woman and she makes more money than her husband does, she still believes that a man should not stay at home most of the time. My aunt’s expatiation on her husband to be a man deprives his right to be an involved father in an extent.

It is not easy for a man to become “involved father.” They have to take care of their jobs in order to support their families. In this case, they have to put their families aside, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to spend time with their families. Also, for the father who seriously treat his family, his involves may not be realized. Involved fathers should be well respect even though they are against their traditional roles.

What is marriage?

In some people’s opinions, marriage is the symbol of love and companionship; some might think that marriage is the destination of two people after a long-courtship; or some might think marriage is the grave of love. To me, I think that marriage is a journey which attracts travelers with the same goals and interests to come together. Also, it is the combination of understanding and tolerance.

In many case, marriage starts when two people are willing to share their same interests. Marriage is a process in which finding the right soul mate to go thought the whole life. In my comprehension, marriage companies with the same interest. When two people fall in love and get married should attracted by their same interests. In ancient China, Chinese woman had no rights or freedom to choose their husband because of their subordinate social status. In this case, their parents arranged most of the marriages at that time. Ironically, some case indicates that ancient Chinese women did not know who would become their husbands until they got married. Before an ancient Chinese woman married, what she knew about her husband was simply his name and family status, but little about his passion and interest. After they got married, they had trouble to communicate with each other because they did not know each other and did not have the same topic to talk to, so their marriage ended as a tragedy.

Marriage is the combination of understanding and tolerance. As Kluun Ray states in his book Love life, “Forgiveness is a part of love.” In the book, Danny, the main character, began to dating with other women when his wife, Carmen, was diagnosed with breast cancer. They used to be a young couple who loved each other and had a happy family. However, the cancer put them into the center of the storm. Danny did not know how to face that fact that his wife was dying, so he kept dating with other women to escape from loneliness. At the same time, Carmen wanted to end up her marriage because she could not bear her ugly look and her husband’s infidelity any more. However, Danny finally showed his understanding and tolerance to his wife, and companies her to the rest of her life, and of course, Carmen forgave Danny’s infidelity. In the story, many women like Carmen, suffered from breast cancer, but most of their husbands left them behind. The reason why those husbands turn their back to their wives when the hardship comes is that they lack understanding and tolerance. They do not hold a strong faith for their marriages. If couples know how to understand each other and learn how to tolerate each other, they can hold their marriage tightly no matter what happen to them.

Marriage is a myth for many people. For this reason, it pushes people to step into the world of marriage. Although I am too young to find out what marriage is, I can define my own meaning of marriage: Marriage is a course that teaches people how to cherish each other, how to overcome hardship with each other, and how to rely on each other. Meanwhile, marriage is a long road that finds out the soul mate, and can teach us how to understand and tolerate each other.

Happiness

What is happiness? When this question comes to my mind, I always get stuck and have to ponder over it. It’s a simple question but it has various answers to it depending on different people who look at “happiness” from different angles. Happiness is certainly not born from nature. No matter whom we are and what religion we belong to, the purse of happiness is our lifetime goal. To me, one of the most important elements of happiness is being with my family.

Family is the warmest harbor for people especially for whom travels far away from home. Regardless of what we have been suffered from the outside world, family is always there for us and cures the wounds in our hearts with unconditional love. We can feel secure and content when we are at home with our family. Being with our parents, we get the courage to overcome any hardship.

Family is the soul power for us to pursue our happiness. Maintaining a good relationship with our family can bring us happiness. Whatever merits or shortcoming, family always appreciates what we really are, tolerate our mistakes, and encourage us to achieve our goals. When I was in a middle school of China, I failed to get in the honor class that I wanted to because I did poor in the placement test. I felt very disappointed and depressed during those days. It was my father who pulled me out of the miserableness. I still remembered that my father took me out for a walk one day. The entire way, my father talked to me earnestly and sincerely, and he said: “gold will always be shinning.” At that moment, I felt that I was filled with strength and had gained the courage to stand up once again. My father made me think of the bright side and search for a new starting point. Also, through my father’s encouragement and enlightenment, I had gained happiness. In the movie Lilo and Stitch, it says, “Family means no one leaves behind”. I still remembered those days when my family just immigrated to the United States. Everything was new and strange for us; we struggled to learn everything occurred in our daily lives. My sister and I tried our best to learn English; my father exerted himself to memorize the road signs and the bus route so that he can commute by bus; my mother strived to understand the problems addressed to her when she went to see the doctor. Those memories were bittersweet. However, what we learn from the bad experience is that family means everything to us. Being with our family, the bitter becomes sweet, the desert becomes oasis, and the sadness becomes happiness.